Why being a girl isn't working out for me:

• Body: Oh, guess what time of the month it is!
• Me: Please, god, no--
• Ovaries: ALL SYSTEMS GOOOOOOOO!!!
• Brain: I quit. i quit. kittens and cupcakes and no one loves me. oh my god salty snacks i am furious
• Me: Please, guys, calm down--
• Face: TIME TO RUIN EVERYTHING YOU HAVE EVER LIKED ABOUT ME. I'M GROWING MOUNTAINS, BITCHES.
• Brain: And now I'm ugly! shbdksdnksbn
• Torso: Time to practice labor. cramp this bitch up. GO GO GO GO GO GO
• Me: STOP IT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!
• Stomach: lol clothes cant fit you anymore. you are bloated. you are now a balloooooooon!
• Me: I hate you all
• Brain: I KNOW EVERYONE HATES ME I AM SO DEPRESSED. we need to procreate.
• Face: Lol, i'm not done yet.
• Uterus: what did i ever do to deserve this?
• Brain: you just wait uterus. they're going to make you hold a baby for like 9 months straight.
• Uterus: You mother fuckers.
• Torso: CONTRACT!
• Me: I quit being female, I am now a llama.
• Brain: Me gusta.